Sustainability

As a first year teacher, the demands for my time and energy are endless.  I regularly work 80 hours a week, and rarely know what I’m going to teach more than a few days in advance.  Do I know what I’m teaching next week? That’s funny. Unit plans? Nice try. Year-long calendar sequence? You must be dreaming.  Life truly has become a game of keeping my head above water.

As I struggle each day to spend less than 12 hours in the school and to leave at a semi-reasonable hour, I have had conversations with other first-year teachers.  My experience is not unique.  Being a first-year teacher just sucks… a lot.

Retention rates for schools – especially high-need, urban schools – is pretty low.  The first few years of teaching are the hardest, and many young, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, well-intentioned teachers burn out.  Last week, I was talking to another Spanish teacher.  We were talking about all this, and about how hard the first few months have been and about survival strategies.  In our conversation, as in many of my conversations about this experience, I articulated how I am incredibly tired, consistently overwhelmed, and perpetually behind on the to-do list, and how in spite of it all, I love my job, love my students, and can’t imagine doing anything else.  I may only be a few months into it, but I feel as though this is what I have been called to for the rest of my life.  He was a bit surprised to say the least.  His comment was something to the extent of: “that’s awesome, but I don’t understand how you do it.  I don’t know how anyone does it. This way of life isn’t sustainable. There’s no way I will teach for the rest of my life.”

Now, I didn’t take our conversation in this direction, but I have definitely spent a lot of time thinking about all this.  And I know that the reason I’m not hating every second of my life is because I have been filled with such peace.  Christians often talk about being “called” to something.  I never heard a booming voice from heaven, but the peace and the calm I feel in the midst of such chaos assures me that this is exactly where God wants me and that he has equipped me for the task.  How else can I explain it? I am a young, white woman from the suburbs working with inner-city black boys, many involved in gangs, many whose stories couldn’t be more different from my own.  And yet each day, we laugh and joke around and sometimes we even learn something about Spanish. This doesn’t make sense!

I won’t deny that this job is hard.  It’s REALLY hard. The challenges of lesson planning, on top of behavior management, on top of school culture and dynamics, on top of my students’ needs, on top of MY needs… you get the point. But I know that the Lord has a purpose and a plan for me here. I am filled with peace. And I don’t plan on going anywhere.

“Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with every good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” Hebrews 13:20-21